2/20/18 – Tuesday
I woke up tired. I had a lot of weird dreams.
I didn’t try to mindlessly swipe to the Facebook App like I had been in days past.
It feels like a scab that I know better than to touch, but the itch is still there.
I miss my friends, especially the ones that spread support and love through Facebook.
I’m starting to think many of the friendships I have are false. But I’m also worried that it’s part of this culture now to only notice recent or popular posts…not exactly to really connect with people.
I missed my friend’s birthday. I have a terrible memory and “the network” was how I checked the week to make sure I hadn’t forgotten birthdays. I feel like a jerk.
I’m still obsessively looking for that post the friend asked me for a few days ago. I’m trying to fight the urge to try and reactivate just to find it. I think that’s a bad idea.
Events scheduled and rescheduled now require direct contact if I’m going to hear about it. I suspect I’m not going to be reached out to anymore. The network has now become an integral part of my social circles.
I’m going to get left behind.
There was an accident at our house and my daughter pulled down a dresser. She was completely safe and didn’t even have a scratch. But I was freaked out and wanted to reach out to my friends and just get some love and support. I would normally do this through the network. That wasn’t available to me.
I tried to think of who I would bother by reaching out personally. I suspect this will be a problem from here on out.
I feel like an archaic stereotype getting left behind as the world moves and connects without them.
I’m still a junkie.